Daughter-Father Dance Podcast
Episode 5: As Shaky As a Fiddler On the Roof
TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] Show INTRO

[00:00:35] Jenée Arthur— Welcome back. We have a very fun show for you this week. It is layered with just a few more voices. Today, Dad and I talk about how our household had quite a few traditions that enriched our lives.

We're also visited by the other characters in our Happy Half Dozen family, where every memory is recalled through the lens of six different perspectives.

Now, for those of you who don't know the Happy Half Dozen reference, this was the CB handle Dad created for the six of us as we road-tripped on our way to summer vacations from Missouri to Colorado or.

Us kids would laugh as Dad conversed with the truckers on the road and would say things like:

"10-4, good buddy. The Happy Half Dozen is trailing behind you and preparing to pass you in our family wagon. Will you please give these kids aloud and long Blair of your horn before they drive me? And Joycie crazy from boredom.

The backseat was filled with little voices and laughter as we tried to talk over one another to suggest what else dad should say to the trucker we were all making faces at out the window.

In this episode, Dad and I explore the traditions that brought connection and consistency to our family, and made for some pretty fun memories that, if you ask my girlfriend or my sister-in-law, we liked to rehash way too often.

[00:02:00] Jenée Arthur
For you as a child having grown up in an orphanage, um, what does tradition mean to you?

Like, is it something special? Was it something that you wanted for us as kids?

[00:02:00] Gene Arthur
I didn't think that tradition was something, well, I never thought of passing on tradition to you as something that I had to do, tradition is something that developed as our lives together, evolve. Be honest with you. I really didn't think about tradition until the film Fiddler On the Roof came out with the character Tevye and Tevye sings a song about tradition, and you being Yentl, his wife.

[00:02:48] Jenée Arthur
What Dad means here is Tevye's wife, Golde, not Yentl.

[00:02:52] Jenée Arthur
Well, I think it's cool that it was organic for you, right? It wasn't something you necessarily set out to do as I'm going to be a father that instills tradition in my children. It was more just an organic unfolding, which is kind of very the epitome of you. Dad. You just kind of show up in the moment and just in who you are and how creative you are in a moment you created some of the most memorable traditions for the four of us kids. You're creative in-the-moment ingenuity has been something really fun for us kids to experience because you do things. And then suddenly we wanted to do them all the time. So it became— tradition.

Are there any traditions that for you as a father were really gratifying?

[00:03:39] Gene Arthur
Well, if I start to reminisce anything special, I would say that just our life lived daily was what's special. I cherished being together as a family.

[00:03:47] Jenée Arthur
Well let, let's talk about one specific one, because I think this is one either you or Mom came up with, and it's not, you know, unique to us, cause I know other families that engage in this, but at one point in our lives and it was when Julie and I were a little bit older.

Not like older, but maybe even like, you know, preteen, you initiated family nights. You are mom. I don't know who those were sacred. Like nobody could interrupt them. You couldn't have, you know, that was a no conflict non-negotiable night.

[00:04:36] Gene Arthur
I think family night evolved because we wanted that time to be a special just us. No work outside of the home, or sporting events ,or neighbors, or other events going on. We were going to be together and enjoy each other's company, food and games and popcorn and fudge. Family night was a night that we didn't watch TV. We looked and watched each other and listen to each other and played games together and we would eat together.

[00:05:07] Jenée Arthur
Family night was something that all of us enjoyed. I think Jared enjoyed it the most, but we definitely all enjoyed it. He downplays it now, but you'd said something cool, Dad—that family nights were a time for us to enjoy one another and not a vice like television. Although we did have a tradition of Friday nights being, like you said, popcorn fudge and Friday, Friday Night and Night gallery.

[00:05:31] Gene Arthur
Having each other just near and hearing each other. Uh, I sh I still feel that way when I talk to you, uh, your voice Julie's voice, Jerrod's voice, Jason's voice. That's what's special for me, because I feel close to, connected to my family, which is a treasure that, you know, the best thing on earth is the family.

Well, and I think it's not an accident that we're talking about family night as one of the first traditions that we threw out because our lives revolved around family.

You know, I used to work for a company that the whole family I worked for would say, "whatever you need. Family first." And that's one of the things I loved about that family because they got it .

Like that's not a tagline or a saying that we had growing up, but that's the way we lived live. Lewis family was always first and that was the six of us, but it was also extended out into our greater Arthur and Rellihan families. Family came before anything other than maybe God Because I always saw family and God as one thing because God was just kind of a part of the family.

[00:06:40] Jenée Arthur
Can we talk about like, just your creative ingenuity that I mentioned earlier? We two Kings, I think it's one of the funniest and one of the best examples of how in the moment you can be with your creativity, where in the heck did you come up with that? You just one day thought of let's do Epiphany this way?

[00:07:00] Gene Arthur
I'm not sure how it happened. That just could be acting on the spur of the moment, which is fairly common for me. And your mom being as gracious as she is. , she goes along with a lot of my "spontinuity."

[00:07:23] Jenée Arthur
Sponinuity, a new word. ; )

[00:07:28] Gene Arthur
The fact that we were going to celebrate Epiphany, I think I wanted to make it an experience for the children.That would be something you would remember. So. Epiphany in the old days was an actual time where you exchange gifts and the acting out of the Kings from the east, coming to Jerusalem to pay homage to the king of Kings. I think I just wanted to make it most memorable for you. aYour mom and I, we would have to use what we had as costumes—like turning our roads around backwards and maybe putting garland or ribbon in our hair and singing that song as you children waited in the darkness downstairs.

With a star that had the light of a flashlight shining on it, I would sing the song WeTwo Kings have traveled afar.

[00:08:23] Jenée Arthur
That was one of the funniest parts of it, because do you remember, like, this happened every year. And so however many years, I might've been 18 by the last time I experienced a bit, Ket's say I was five and Julie was 4. Okay. So for 13 years you would say different lyrics every year and you were so... this is what was so genius about it was you or the epitome of improvisational. Because you would start with the melody and We Two Kings of Orient are— No! of independence are— you would change all the words to be apropos for the family!

And then you would say something, mostly quippy and embarrassing, about all four of us. So it was very familial-themed as well. And that's what was so hysterical. That we all enjoyed. But also when we got to our teenage years, we didn't know what the hell you were going to say

As a child. One of our favorite things, not only just listening to Mom try to muffle her laughter because she was about to pee her pants laughing, but was also you and what you were going to come up with in your lyrics.

[00:09:32] Gene Arthur
Well, that's called "Blarney." It's also the gift of gab. I would just come up with lyrics just off the top of my head. I didn't think about it. I just started adding words to the melody. Made it personal for as much of you as I could come up with it. And your mom would just laugh because I just come up with something at the spur of the moment and she would just be, wow.
How'd he come up with that?

[00:08:23] Jenée Arthur
You still amaze her in that way. Like she, I watched her face. just being home recently and listening to the podcast with her after it had dropped and just watching her look at you like, "Where did you come up with that?" And that's another thing, like, even in the. These, uh, and another thing I've written about being your impromptu mother's day celebrations at church, or your reenactment of nativity scene with all the little, little baby preschoolers, and everybody knows you are going to ad lib this entire thing based on what those little kids obviously are unpredictable based on what they're going to come up with or what they're going to accidentally do, or how they're going to wander away. And that narration of that went beyond our own family tradition, that tradition rippled out into an entire parish. They came to hear what Gene Arthur was going to just, in the moment, come up with.

[00:10:56] Gene Arthur
Well, you can thank your mother for that because she was the one that got me to narrate the Christmas pageants and also got me to be the master ceremonies. Actually, I did it for 30 years because she wanted to make it fun. And she knew that I might've been able to do something to pull that off for her.

She's great. As you know, when we get together now for different kinds of bingo, we got bingos for a lot of different things and they're all centered around the family.

[00:11:48] Jenée Arthur
Well, every single bingo question is around a character or a person, and it's usually the person that we're celebrating. Well, speaking of that's a tradition that didn't happen.

The evolution of Mom's kind of creative bingo thing was that we'd go on these trips and she'd make crossword puzzles about it that she handed out to everybody, and whoever got them all right, got a prize. Then it evolved to bingo. And now the grandkids even look forward to it.

[AUDIO CLIP OF BINGO]

[00:12:35] Jenée Arthur
Yep. My mom, it would take an entire other episode to convey all she's done for her children and grandchildren. You had originally talked about how tradition kind of became conscious for you when you saw Tevye and Fiddler On the Roof was your segue into understanding tradition. And I can imagine because as a kid, you didn't probably have a lot of it in the orphanage and the boy's home, then living with grandma who was working.

But what's interesting about that musical is it's rooted in tradition. And if you'll remember, Tevye had to come face-to -ace with tradition crumbling a bit. Chavela wanted to move away and marry someone outside of the Jewish faith.

Tzeitel— I can't remember. I might be getting those two wrong, but even as he had to leave his village and all of that stuff, tradition was the thing that held his family together.

Now there's a lot of nuances, like I said, that he had to kind of let go of some of the traditions because he had children that were looking in a different direction and making their own tradition, which I guess every father probably faces on some level.

Can you speak to that in any way about tradition having to be uprooted and it looking different and how that might feel to a father who champions that 'tradition' connection?

[00:14:05] Gene Arthur
As a father, when things change, uh, maybe it would be a challenge for tradition changing or taking on a different look.

But then that...has to just go with, you know? So what. Tt changes, but then a different one develops or just changed a little bit or shifted somewhere a little bit, but you can find good in a different tradition and you can find good in the sadness and the joy of an old tradition changing.

[00:14:40] Jenée Arthur
When you were talking, it made me kind of think about that, that topic we had on beliefs that it's hard to have anything really hard-lined because something could upend it for good.

Tevye had to face the fact that his kids fell in love with people that he necessarily would not have had the matchmaker make up. At some point tradition— I see it this similarly as I do belief. I think that it enriches our lives to a point— until it becomes limiting. And I'm not going to go down that road because I know that hilarious when we were trying to figure out limiting and expansive, but I think you could see tradition similarly. It's so beautiful and enriching, and I would not change any of the traditions we had. Yet there are moments when they have to disappear or people don't want to do them anymore.

[00:15:31] Gene Arthur
If tradition changes don't fall apart, get all broken up over it. You just accept it and then look for the good in it and trust that things will be fine. Y

[00:15:37] Jenée Arthur
Yeah. Well, I think that— like I've know you've had to see, you know, you speak of your faith often. You've had to watch even some of your own kids and grandkids walk away from a tradition of the church, right?

Like the tradition of the sacraments, the tradition of practicing. And I know that, like Tevye, that's probably been hard.

[00:16:09] Gene Arthur
Well, that's true, but then that's where you have to trust. You have to put your trust in something other than yourself, your feelings. Love is not just feelings, it's an act of the will.

It's something that you commit to regardless of the storms or the war that may be raging. So that's just part of life.

[00:16:37] Jenée Arthur
Are there any traditions that you want to talk specifically about other than the We Two Kings?

[00:16:40] Gene Arthur
Well, I have a lot of traditions that I go through before I do certain things.

First of all is morning prayer. That is something that I have to do because I think I'm compulsive. Talking about it, I'm thinking of all kinds of stuff. Some of it might be shit to other people out there listening, but it's tradition for us and it's sacred.

[00:17:05] Jenée Arthur
Well, I think that's what is so cool about tradition, right?

There's something sacred about it. Tradition isn't just for the sake of tradition. It's because it reminds us, or because it brings forth a feeling of connection and sacredness to whatever it is that tradition is founded in. That's what I love about it. I love that there's a consistency in tradition, right?

It's like being able to go home to my family house that I grew up in, that I was born in, and that I can return to like that consistency, that familiarity. There's something grounding about that. And so I believe that for me, and I can't speak for my siblings, but I bet money on it that the traditions that you and Mom created have fortified something in us.

[00:17:52] Gene Arthur
Tradition!

[00:17:53] Jenée Arthur
Did you want to give belted out? Give us a Tevye moment.

[00:17:55] Gene Arthur
Would it be so hard...?

[00:17:53] Jenée Arthur
That was like Tevye and the Godfather combo!

[00:17:55] Gene Arthur
It was— well, that was Tevye praying to God. "Would it be so bad to be rich, to have more cows, to have more food?

It's a good, it's a good show. I have recommend Fiddler On the Roof for anybody, you know, even if you don't like musicals. It's fun.

[00:18:25] Jenée Arthur
I bought a vinyl album, a really great copy of the soundtrack from Kate Doré on, um, one of the vinyl groups that I follow, and I cherish that because every single inch of that soundtrack is a memory that I cherish. And sadly, I don't know that there's an accomplishment that I feel as good about than that.

[00:18:50] Gene Arthur
Hey, I just thought of another tradition as a family get together. One of the hallmarks— the St. Patrick's Day.

[00:18:54] Jenée Arthur
Hell yeah! We can't forget that tradition. We could talk all day about that.

[00:18:56] Gene Arthur
Oh yeah.

[00:18:57] Jenée Arthur [voiceover]
Well stay tuned, because St. Patrick's day will be here before you know it.

[00:10:03] Jenée Arthur
St. Patrick's day parade. It's like the queen mother of all traditions for us!

[00:19:19] Gene Arthur
Let me tell you if it's a, like I told you, you might even have it in a podcast. Uh, I don't know why the nuns at St. Aloysius grade school in Kansas city, Missouri chose your dad as a young boy, just newly enrolled in that school to be McNamara in the St Patrick's Day play. And I had a solo leading role, singing that song and dancing on the stage.

[00:19:29] Jenée Arthur
Well, Dad, you know, I didn't tell that story in the podcast, but you remember when you sang it when we were recording in the early days of our recordings? And it's on our first episode that's dedicated to your upbringing.

[00:19:38] Gene Arthur
Our Irish tradition has been pretty much been an annual.

[00:19:40] Jenée Arthur
Oh yeah.

Except for the years where we were kicked out after we got in trouble for having alcohol in a dry parade. That's been an every year occurrence. And remember when we were younger, Dad, you would take us out of school. We would get that day off. That wasn't a holiday for our Catholic schools, but it was for the Arthur kids.

We would ride the float. But before we did that, we went to early morning mass, like at dawn, at 6:00AM at St. Mary's Cathedral downtown. Then we'd go down to Westport and have breakfast at Kelly's and then we would go to the parade and freeze all day.

[00:20:46] Gene Arthur
Sounds grand!

[00:20:47] Jenée Arthur
It was so it was the best. And now the tradition has even gotten even longer. Where we go to Aunt Becky and Uncle Steve's for meat pies. The second time annually that we get to eat our Listowel family traditional pies.

[00:20:55] Jenée Arthur [voiceover]
Listowel is a town in the county Kerry, where my mother's family is from.
Meat pies. Um, that's going to have to be a whole episode of its own. It is one of our most cherished tradition.

[00:21:19] Gene Arthur
And then after the parade, the time between the end of the parade and meat pies at the Rellihan house, we would visit a pub or two where your cousin Benjamin Tobias Ruth might've been playing.

[00:21:32] Jenée Arthur
Yeah. We definitely try to get the most out of our traditions.

Well, Dad, this has been fun. And, um, I love you. And I'm so sorry about Jumanji.

[VOICEOVER]
My dad's friend Jumanji died since our last episode. And though my father celebrates the liberation of souls from the body—a person's spirit taking flight to its next adventure, if you will. I know dad misses him already.

As for me, I had hoped Jumanji and I could finally sit together and get to know each other so we could bury a bitter issue and finally find the love between us. And I was secretly hoping to share the podcast episode with him where we talked about him— and, be able to address him by his new Jumanji nickname.

Fly free Jumanji. Your presence in this world shall not be forgotten.

[00:22:23] Jenée Arthur
Now let's shift the mood back to the joy of traditions. Please join us, the Happy Half Dozen, over Chinese carryout for a trip down Memory Lane.

[Roundtable dining discussion with Gene, Joyce, Jenée, Julie, Jerrod and Jason Arthur]
30+ minutes of us talking and reminiscing around the table. The audio on this was a jumble of six/seven voices, so... just listen.

After roundtable discussion

[00:54:55] Jenée Arthur
Thank you so much for joining us on our trip down Memory Lane. And as Tevye says, "Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as a fiddler on the roof."
Or would they?

Though I greatly cherish our family traditions, I also believe tradition just for the sake of tradition can quite possibly create staleness in life, or, at best, be the unnecessary continuation of something that has actually served its purpose and is now outdated, irrelevant, or simply completely.

And again, like Tevye— hold tightly to the things that work for you and bring you true joy. And maybe let go of the ones that don't. Life is way too short to keep doing things just because you've always done them.

Thank you everyone. Stay open. Keep searching. Follow your dreams.

And please remember to Rate, Review and Subscribe to Daughter-Father Dance on Apple podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.

See you next time.

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